Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
