Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
