you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
