I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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