my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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