I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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