shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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