I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
