there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
