I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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