I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
