I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
