My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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