I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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