Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
