i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
