Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
