You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
