I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
