Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
