WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
