FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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