he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Operation Purity has been aborted
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
