It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
