i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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