you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
