May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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