Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
