I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
