dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
