3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
