I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
