you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
