Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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