Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
