oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
