it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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