I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
