I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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