not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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