So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
