tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
