She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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