Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
