maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
