Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
