I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
