She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
