i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
