guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
